every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize