What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize