i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
