i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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