Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini