remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR