You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night