Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'