i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.