ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts