Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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