I heard we made out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize