dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A bitchslap is in order.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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