i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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