She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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