this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
