Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
