Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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