if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I forget how to act sober
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