My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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