my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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