i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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