I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.