I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.