Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.