I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
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