Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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