remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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