he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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