Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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