I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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