I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize