Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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