dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These tits shall not be calmed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
