Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
