last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
