HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
