there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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