I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
