Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
