Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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