I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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