I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
