Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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