I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.