Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake