how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.