I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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