he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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