1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize