my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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