Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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