remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
