Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
