I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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