I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I booty called her while she was in labor.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol