just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised