so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved