My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no you cant smoke seaweed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
