i dont even know how to be here
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!