Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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