it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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