Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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